Rock Bottom

I'd like to think I've bottomed out now. This morning I woke up exhausted and numb. I thought I was calm but I blew up in anger at something fairly minor. Luckily it passed. Anyway I was given a little chemical boost to my system by a friend who thought it would help. Legal, I might add and prescribed, but not prescribed to me. Anyway it worked wonders and I started feeling human again in no time. I felt calm like it was a cool summers day by the seaside!

This then enabled me to stop shaking and stop panicking and begin to get a few things done! I'd really cacked my hair up trying to get it to look reasonable for work. The straighteners did nothing and the hairspray made it look like I hadn't washed it in days!! So I went back to square one and washed my hair, took my make up off and this time asked my friend to help me to get it looking decent, which she did!

Despite my massive tantrum and what felt to me like a nervous breakdown I think I left the house with all three of us friends again! I got goodbyes from out of both upstairs windows as I walked off and I've never had that before! I can understand if people who know me are a bit worried about me! In fact I'd be disapointed if they weren't!!

So next week I'm going to ask my doctor for some sort of anti anxiety drug to ease me through the days. I think this might be the cause of everything I've bee going through!

After yesterdays collapse of self esteem I decided to go ultra femme and wear a long floral skirt I've had for a few weeks with a lacey top and my favourite cardy (security blanket).

I think I'm past the worst now... sometimes you just know! I'm meeting a Twitter supporter for coffee tomorrow and off to see some trains with my housemates on Sunday...  so it should be a nice weekend!