Dark Times

I've had a long break from blogging now. A lot has happened. On a personal level I hit the 6 month mark for being on hormone replacement. I'm not in an ideal situation as I'm self medicating and my GP is refusing to take any responsibilty for this even though I declared I was suffering from severe gender issues well over a year ago and so far I've had bugger all support from anyone other than other trans ladies and a few friends!

About 4 or 5 weeks ago my GP told me that the Gender Clinic was desperately trying to contact me and asked if they could forward my current contact details. I said yes, of course, and they were faxed over. That was the last I heard about it! So naturally I'm concerned now that I've been taken off the list after waiting for a year now!

At work I am feeling increasingly isolated and sidelined and not able to do my job. This isn't entirely due to me transitioning. A lot of it is to do with having ASD and now being in a new office, with a new manager and with the transitioning on top I really am not coping and not able to do my job any more! This is extremely worrying for me! I asked for support but so far I've had none and every day I'm just sitting in an office full of people I can no longer connect with on any level! I have no idea what to do about this!

I had my nasal polyps removed at the end of July and I thought this would be a tremendous help for me! It is except that after the operation I received no further care and my allergies have kicked back in and I'm getting ill again. My polyps, almost inevitably will grow back if I am not treated. Seems like a waste of fucking money to me!!! And it took me a month to recover from the operations! And I'm still not well. I am working 5 hour days now instead of the normal 7 hours, but still barely able to make it through a working day and I feel like a quivering wreck every night!!

Since I've been off a month, all of my responsibilities at work have been taken off me. so I'm like a spare tyre now! And I'm not equipped to deal with this at all. My boss has been away ever since I've been back so no support! I saw a nurse but she couldn;t help. I saw a union guy but he don't know how to help me! I feel lost.

This is a classic situation transitioning people find themselves in. Successfully transitioning and yet losing all the support they had around them! Stella's future is seriously at risk now! She's here now but whether she'll still be here in a years time is very much dependent on things beyond her control now!