It also helped me realise how far I'd come in a year. I joked that I might get hit on by a lesbian but as most of the girls frequenting Bar Wotever are young enough to be my daughter that was never likely, even if I did get read as female.
I think before I used to be mostly identified as male or "tranny" at Wotever, of which there are a few regulars and are treated accordingly. I even got called 'mate' at the bar a few times by staff who really ought to know better. Last year I was smiled at by some of the female patrons and other trans women used to acknowledge me! But this time it seemed I was treated completely as female! A trans woman I used to drink with was standing right next to me at the bar and she never even recognised me! And I never gave myself away either.... I like my own company too much!
There is always a compromise to be made. The one I was making last year was that LGB venues were safe and tolerant, but on the other hand LGB people don't really understand us. And I knew that while I didn't pass I would always be taken as part time, "tranny", cross-dresser rather than a transgendered M to F woman, but that I would always be tolerated regardless, however i dressed and however I identified! From my experience I do think a lot of gay people really do see trans as a life style choice or even a sexual fetish! It's neither! Of course!
But at a venue like this I was mixing with drag queens, fetishists, part time women and trans people like myself. The differences became increasingly clear to me through this period. The part timers were always over dressed and looked out of place and rarely passed. Drag queens even less so but were usually more appropriately dressed for an LGBT bar.
Amongst the crowds in 2013 I identified trans men and women and scrutinised them from afar. To me then trans people appeared to be the most beautiful people of all and I could only dream and hope that I might be one of them. But as time went on I came to know I was one of these people and I just needed to learn a few things and get some experience. I now like to think I'm well on my way and that some novice CDer might see me as a role model at some point! When I turned up last night I felt like I'd achieved everything I'd set out to do and more!
It's disappointing in a way that I don't get the attention I got last year when I went out and about as a crossdressing man learning to be a woman, but the fact that I don't get that attention now is has to be a big mark of success!!
Actually I hate getting attention and I found all that nonsense midly embarrassing. Good to be a middle aged anonymous looking woman blending in with the crowd!
 |
| Bar Wotever at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern |
No comments:
Post a Comment