some links

 I Find a lot of good writing on the internet from time to time and I want to share. I usually do on Twitter but old Tweets are like yesterdays news and drop away into an abyss, never to be found again.

At the moment I'm very keen on busting some transphobic myths and answering charges made against us. Some of them clearly absurd and bigoted and others that will require a more nuanced answer. Some things like the socialisation question may never be answered and it might be that both sides are kind of right, depending on assumptions made and actual experiences... which of course are unique to the person.

bathroom panic debunked
http://mediamatters.org/blog/2014/03/20/debunking-the-big-myth-about-transgender-inclus/198530

trans myths debunked
http://bilerico.lgbtqnation.com/2014/06/lies_damn_lies_and_lies_about_transgender_people.php


Mental health-related quality of life was statistically diminished (P < 0.05) in transgendered women without surgical intervention compared to the general female population and transwomen who had gender reassignment surgery (GRS), facial feminization surgery (FFS), or both. There was no statistically significant difference in the mental health-related quality of life among transgendered women who had GRS, FFS, or both. Participants who had FFS scored statistically higher (P < 0.01) than those who did not in the FFS outcomes evaluation.
CONCLUSIONS: Transwomen have diminished mental health-related quality of life compared with the general female population. However, surgical treatments (e.g. FFS, GRS, or both) are associated with improved mental health-related quality of life.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20461468

More myth busting
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brynn-tannehill/fighting-back-against-ant_b_5633450.html






Gendered socialisation
https://www.quora.com/How-does-gendered-socialization-affect-transgender-people-To-what-extent-are-trans-people-more-likely-or-less-likely-than-cis-people-to-buy-into-the-gender-stereotypes-we-are-all-taught-as-children-and-how-do-they-relate-these-stereotypes-to-themselves

http://roygbiv.jezebel.com/trans-women-male-privilege-socialisation-and-feminis-472949124

Misc.
http://www.transadvocate.com/not-a-feminist-by-birth-or-biology_n_147.htm

Entitled Men Talking About Trans

What's quite dispiriting at the moment is how many people I used to admire are now coming out and saying blatantly transphobic things, and digging their heels in even after its been explained to them why their views are not acceptable. I come from a working class background where misogyny and LGBT issues were never discussed. You just got on with your life and defended yourself the best you could. In that environment, while rejecting out and out bigotry, I think I picked up a fair few ideas that were misogynist, transphobic and racist too for that matter. But now we live in an age where we able to reflect on these ideas, and to be able to question our internalised bigotry. I mean, I never believed trans women were able to be women, until I did this thing for myself. I used to think trans women were pretending, I really did. I thought it was an elaborate act. It's not until you experience transitioning for yourself, or experience it by seeing someone you know well go through it, that you see what is really going on.

So I think I understand where Perry is coming from in this interview but I cannot forgive him for spouting off in the face of enormous opposition from trans people, where he has had every opportunity to educate himself. He works in an academic environment so he really ought to know better.

He stresses he is a transvestite, not transgender: he dresses up for sexual thrills. Transvestitism is bound up in his taste for fetish sex, PVC clobber and sadomasochism, which featured often in his early work. “The trans spectrum is a whole different thing. I wouldn’t particularly want to live full-time as a woman. It’d be such a fag for starters, the amount of preparation every day!” (It takes him 90 minutes to apply the wig, make-up and padding.)

I have to wonder what he means by this word "preparation". I mean I am a woman and the amount of preparation it takes for me to be able to be a woman every day is zero. I'm a woman while I sleep, and I'm a woman the moment I awake. The "preparation" he talks about isn't about being a woman, its about having others see you as a woman. And if you're confident in yourself and its safe to do so you may well not bother. Quite often I get up, put on the easiest thing I can find to put on and just get on with my day. I do not consciously think, right, time to be a woman now. But maybe the truth is that Perry wouldn't want to live as a "full-time" woman because he isn't one. Simple as that. I do because I am a woman.

 If a trans woman doesn't pass then there might be some preparation time, but not to be a woman, but to be able to fit in with what cis gender people consider to be the outward appearance of a woman.

If I'm going to work then I have to take a bit longer, but tbh its not such a big deal. My clothes are organised and laundered, I do my make up on the train travelling in - my only issue particularly is my hair which has to look clean and not so much like a birds nest.

I moisturise, I remove unwanted hair, I faff about a lot trying to convince myself that I look OK to go out the door - and that isn't just a trans thing. Sometimes I end up struggling to find something to wear for odd reasons, such as, I feel fat, or because it triggers dysphoric feelings.

So what does Perry mean by "preparation"? I'm tempted to think he means like a drag queen or a transvestite, ie, a man trying to make himself look a woman, but not identifying as one. Trans women aren;t drag queens.

The interviewer, Janice turner seems to agree:

I say I don’t find being a woman nearly so onerous. I’m being facetious, but like many feminists, I’m weary of womanhood being defined as an elaborate façade: fancy nails, false eyelashes, lingerie, sparkly clothes, heels.

She immediate uses Perry's comment as an excuse to shove in one of the more well used straw men arguments that TERFs like to trot out. But womanhood is no more an elaborate façade for me than it is for any woman, and I too don't find it as onerous. I don;t really find fancy nails, false eyelashes, lingerie, sparkly clothes or heels to be an essential part of my every day life.

Perry thinks the transgender lobby “is a very vocal group. They punch above their weight. I do wonder why they are so angry.” Maybe because trans women almost always began as heterosexual men? Perry laughs. “Yes, so they have that entitlement. Yes, it could be.”

This is the clincher for me - and shows that Perry has heard us and has decided to just disregard our concerns.

Here, he calls us 'entitled men', which of course is what he is. So that must mean, by his own logic,that his opinion is to be disregarded. He is also completely ignoring transgender men, and considering his new programme is about masculinity, isn't this a bit bizarre?

As Germaine Greer and Ian McEwan have discovered, there are vicious words and possible “no-platform” edicts for anyone who doubts the new ethos that anyone who “identifies” as female – even if in possession of a penis – is a woman. In his lectures Perry has learnt to insert endless caveats to ward against those seeking out offence.

No-one knows vicious words better than trans women. This is TERF language - apparently transgender people must not speak up against the hate we hear all the time, or the erasure of our lived experiences. Oh, and definitely mention "penis". But trans people don't "no platform" anyone. We refuse to engage with out abusers. We refuse to engage because there are people who are not trans telling us how we should indentify, and she's a bigot, she speaks with absolutely no evidence - doesn't even pretend to be evidenced and seems to take great delight in trolling us. Also she's all over the frigging media; she effectively talks all over us with her far greater reach in the media than we have all put together; she inspires hatred in the communities we have to live in; her pointless trolling adds nothing to the debate trans people would like to be having; she effectively ensures that trans women (in particular) feel unable to engage with feminism. She is creating fear and isolation in our community.

He argues all identity is “co-created: other people have to believe it. It is not enough for me to say, for example, ‘I am a black man,’ if no one agrees with me.”

Which suddenly means that men are allowed to shape women's identities...? I mean this is such a dangerous thing to believe. You can't be a woman until every other person agrees with you? Or do you just need a working majority? Many cis women agree trans women are women so why do I need to convince the haters? If I walk out of a room where everyone thinks I'm a woman and into one full of transphobes do I suddenly change back to a man? Actually it doens't matter how many people thought I was a man before - they were all wrong.

He tells me of a theory in psychotherapy – of which he has had a great deal – whereby a victim feels entitled because of their perceived oppression to become a persecutor. “And they enjoy the persecuting rather too much. Self-righteousness is an addictive drug,” he says. “People need to be weaned off.”

He's strongly implying here that we are mentally ill and are the oppressors. This entitled man needs to be weaned off his own self righteousness.

Perry says, “I have no special insight into being a woman. And I would never claim that. I am just a bloke in a dress.”

That's because Perry is a man, not a woman and not transgender.But because he wears dresses he still thinks he can talk about being trans. What sheer entitlement.

Maybe, he says, the whole gender-fluid, transgender explosion is fuelled by men trying to escape masculinity’s narrow parameters. Meanwhile, as a new wave of feminism has gained force, “being a man has negative associations: I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a crisis because of the guilt young men hold now for being men. They’re so demonised.”

Because that would really explain trans men wouldn't it and assigned female people who idneitify as non binary? There is a conspiracy by the media and feminism, and male transphobes, to completely ignore trans men and non binary people.

And for the record, I never felt guilt about being assigned male. It just felt wrong. I had nothing to feel guilty about.

 Perry even admits trans women do not present as the most feminine women, and will struggle for years with their identity, often identifying as transvestites before finally finding the truth.

Gatekeepers of transgender

While I write a lot about my own transition process, I must be honest and say that I have been incredibly lucky all the way along. Although not being transitioned nearly killed me, once I made my mind up to make the necessary changes things have fallen fairly well into place for me. Now imagine if instead of having a job, having some spare cash and having a stable home to live in, I didn't have enough money for hormones and that after i attempted to get a referral for to the Gender Clinic I was turned down flat. Well, it does happen. And the people sitting at the gate, deciding who gets to transition and who doesn't are cis people,  with no idea what it feels like to be trans.

Jules is a trans woman I met on Twitter, through my partner. She is one such person who has been refused access to any kind of NHS treatment, and unlike me, she cannot afford to self fund. 

Please read, below:

Jules

Jules: After seeing lack of support from NHS or from many people whatsoever i wrote a third party piece describing my situation, that other younger people may not experience or understand. There were "different times" as some put it , in the years of my childhood. Writing in third party was much easier than recounting from first person, i could describe things differently 

" With all the trans visibility, and everyone THINKING that makes it easier, JULIE trying to come out as Trans and become woman has had quite a few assaults and serious injuries in a so called tolerant society. The NHS in JULIES life did three NO. If I write No, NO, NO, that might show you at least mentally how gatekeepers to peoples reality work. " ... Which then explains further the issues and position im now in. 

Read the rest in this link http://virtualgherkin.blogspot.co.uk/2016/03/i-did-ask-imagine-if-someone-asked-for.html


What Jules needs above all right now is cash. She doesn't even need a lot, but the small amount she needs - a couple of hundred pounds so she can afford to keep going on hormore replacement treatment - might as well be millions to her. Please spare a few quid - ten pound from 25 people will be more than enough. 

Real Life and online

I contribute to a thread on Urban75 called "Three positives from your day" so we can pick out the tiny crocks of gold from our dog shit days; and these are the ones I wrote for Sunday

Boss has been away this week. Which takes a lot of pressure off me. As an Aspie I hate the feeling I'm being watched while I'm working, and I know I am. I also need to have pressure release activities for when I reach a point where my thoughts feel jammed up or I feel overwhelmed but the boss has decided this is just me avoiding doing work. It pisses me off because everyone else in the team get up and walk about and have inane chats about shit, while I am stuck at my machine because i don't do inane chatter. Sometimes it feels like i have been tied down - every urge within me says get up and walk or change activity now and i know i can't. I am definitely less productive because of it.And being penalised for being less productive too.

On Monday I was taking on transphobes on Twitter and had the absolute joy of seeing this lady, who claims to be sympathetic to trans people but still thinks that women with a penis like me should use the men's. She's on there pontificating about how trans women should do this and how we should do that. But she wasn't able to listen at all. I had to block her because I lost patience.

Also, the Green Party of England and Wales appeared to implode over trans rights. In fact what happened was an attempt by women in the Green Party to make it clear that trans women were women and would be regarded as women within the party ( also an attempt to being inclusive to non binary people) backfired when TERFs seized on an extremely badly worded statement that seemed to imply that women were just non-men. Even feminists within the GP such as the awful Beatrix Campbell leapt on it to attack trans allies.
I tweeted on this and criticised just about everyone involved - except Aimee and the LGBTIQ group. I'd seen this coming. For me its a failing of the GP leadership who just avoided dealing with trans issues, offered us fuck all support and now this has happened.  I'm just glad to be out of it.

On the mental health front, re my social anxiety, week has been OK. CBT is pushing me to do more inane chatter (being sociable) and boss is all for it, and has noticed. So i appear to be in boss's good books. Since my anxiety has been manageable - i don't know why. CBT, new hormones, use of mindfulness and other changes i've made may have all helped.

I'm a lot more chatty now which goes against the grain cos I'm an old curmudgeon who likes her own space and thoughts.

So at work my big meeting came up - third party trees - and I feel that I did a good job of facilitating. It's about having a robust process for dealing with hazardous trees that aren't on our property. I took Network Rail's process and adapted it. Managed to get people from Legal, Customer services, and a couple of engineers who deal with risk to our assets from third parties on board. I have hopes for this one.

On Tuesday I was an idiot and let my Twitter account get hacked. Ended up spamming thousands of my followers. I guess I was lucky not to lose any.

Three positives from Tuesday 

And then mid week I decided I wanted to set up a Transgender Equality Party. How this goes I don't know. A political party may not be the most appropriate medium for bringing about trans equality but we need something that can unite all trans people and allies - LGBT does not cut it any more.

On Wednesday I was incensed by this: This dishonest and transphobic reporting from The Sun. There is very much a campaign on at the moment to discredit and demonise trans people. It runs from denial that trans is a thing right through to insinuating that we are child abusers, and extremists with an evil agenda. It's an alliance of the right wing press, old Tory MPs, transphobes and bigots, men's rights activists, and TERFy feminists.

Three positives from Wednesday

And it was the week where the death of a hero of mine - Victoria Wood, occurred, and then Prince too. It's only April and the death list of 2016 feels overwhelming already.

then on Friday travelling home had a couple of incidents both of which have been reported to the police now.


Blast from the past selfies:

    

This is me from 2014, on the left after having my hair done by Lucy, and on the right trying to be Chrissie Hynde. 

Being Trans and Autistic at Work

 I've written this for submission to an inclusive employment organisation for publication on their website.

I had worked in engineering for 20 years – tended to be technically oriented rather than a people person. The work environment was male & also quite techy so it was just easy to remain detached & hide behind a masculine front. Dysphoria giving me longer and longer, more profound periods of depression, and I brought this into work with me. But atmosphere could be macho, & transphobic & sexist jokes were common; none of this helped with my self esteem.

Autism undoubtedly held me back as I struggled with people, a central part of managing the environment, my current job, as everything has to be done by other managers who need to be persuaded, briefed, kept up to date. Meetings with top management and briefing sessions out in depots with front line staff all helped push anxiety to higher levels.

In 2010 there was a reorganisation & I’d moved to an open plan office Excessive noise & other sensory stimulation prevented me from doing my job effectively. On a good day I could get by, but on a bad day I was not able to function at all.

So I declared myself disabled. There was little understanding of autism back then and nobody seemed to know how to support me through the reorganisation process so I was having to educate those who were supposed to be supporting me.

At work I’ve always used defence mechanisms to protect myself. I tend not to socialise with colleagues. I find pubs difficult with a lot of background noise, or conversations involving more than 2/3 people difficult. I’m slow to follow conversations and can rarely make a relevant contribution in time, my thought process leads me to make occasional random out of context statements.  And being trans made much of my personal life taboo so I was self censoring.

There is a feedback loop: not socialising or doing small talk means people don’t get to know me. My internal imaging which tends to be negative is never challenged and then that feeds back into my anxiety. Being trans just adds to the mix. Another thing I feel I judged for.

After, I found myself working in the Safety Dept, in a team managed by a woman, a mostly female office. I found out about the Staff Network Groups, and attended an internal inclusion course. Transgender was mentioned. Something in my head clicked.

As I was living as a woman outside work, I decided to transition.  In 2013, I told my boss, though I feel if I hadn’t come out I’m sure I’d have been outed eventually.

I’d been confronting autism head on, trying to hide the obvious traits. All contributed towards anxiety. It takes a lot of effort to maintain a front of normality.

First day into work as a woman was scary, maybe the scariest thing I ever did. When people looked at me anxiety rose.

I think just going to work set up so much anxiety. Coming into the building where people would see me was like stage fright, until I came to accept myself it was a daily thing. It’s as if the social anxiety that I already had but mostly controlled had managed to spread itself to a new aspect of my life, so just being seen by people was enough.

In the background my autistic traits were all still there – I could control them and hide them better but controlling, eg, my noise sensitivity, simply made me tired, anxious. While appearing n.t. for a short time I found I just couldn’t make it all the way through the day.

It came to a head in 2014. I’d been handed a job I didn’t understand and wasn’t able to cope with. Despite saying so I wasn’t given help and working late in the office the evening before I was due to have a major operation on my sinuses I had a meltdown and threatened suicide.

It was how I genuinely felt. I was under too much pressure and I was seriously concerned about going into hospital for surgery, the anxiety undoubtedly exacerbated by my autism but no one thought to ever take this into account.

After I came back to work I did get help, but I had to reach crisis point before I did. I still feel that no one in the office understands my issues and life is a permanent struggle, but easier now I’m the person I was always meant to be so the load feels lightened. I also have the confidence now to be open about my issues and I’m confronting them in CBT.

Because of being both transgender and Autistic I feel getting help was less easy. Few people could take on both issues, as people tended to understand one or the other and not how my issues intersected. 

toilets are not rocket science

So, guys, what would you say to me if you saw me in your toilet? I’d probably be standing there waiting for a cubicle – or maybe over by the sink checking my make up, or washing my hands.

You’d wonder why a woman was in the men’s, and maybe scowl a bit or look mildy puzzled, or barely concerned. You might ask her to leave. Or you might make some remark to another guy in there, designed to hurt the woman’s feelings. Maybe. But you probably wouldn’t attack or rape her. I do know this.

Imagine how she feels if she'd gone in there  by mistake and had no idea she was in the wrong toilet until you walked in? Pretty embarrassed I expect and would leave as quickly as she could. Now imagine how she would feel if she’d been told that she could only use the men’s toilet, and that she had to endure this scenario every time she wanted a pee.

Now I don’t need a lecture about what men’s toilets are like. I’ve used men’s toilets all my life, until two years a go when I transitioned. I know that men in toilets do not talk to each other, do not even look at each other if they can and stand as faraway from each other as the space allows.

And I also know that when I say toilets I’m not talking about one thing here, toilets are diverse. You get your office toilets, hospital toilets, theatre, pub, club, football stadium toilets, etc… toilets are a varied as the places that you find toilets. Some are clean and well maintained and some are disgusting. Similarly some are safe – maybe even safe enough for a woman to walk in and use the men’s  – and others are not.

Some toilets are deserted and feel unsafe whichever toilet you go in. But if I was in the men’s and a man walked in what would he think? What if a man walked in who wasn’t as reasonable as you. We know plenty of men enjoy abusing women. What if he walked in and saw a woman right there, with no witnesses, who in his eyes shouldn’t be there? Now add in that that woman is trans and though she passes, passing only goes so far. One slip on the part of the woman and she could be read. Even guys who don’t like beating up cis women might feel differently about beating up a trans woman.

In his eyes they are deviant men. Here’s a chance to bully, abuse, mock or even physically attack a trans woman – who, remember, is probably physically weaker than the man, is no more likely to be able to defend herself than a cis woman, is every bit as vulnerable as a cis woman, but now this guy is going to treat her like she is a deviant man – and so every time she gives a response that isn’t manly the chances of violence increases.

What if a rapist walked in? What if men who enjoyed stalking and sexually abusing women suddenly had the idea that all they had to do was hang around the men's toilet and women would walk straight into his squalid lair. What if violent transphobes learned of this and decided to hang around toilets to beat up the trans women who were going in? At the moment we have the advantage that we can hide among cis women. Separate us and we become easy meat for the abusive. Same with trans only toilets.

You might think I'm exaggerating the threat of abuse but believe me, I'm not. I lived in fear of men for 18 months before I could pass as a cis woman. Transphobes don't have a particular look - they can look like anyone. You usually hear them before you see them. sometimes you only ever hear them. Just walking along a street and all you can hear are passive aggressive comments about you, sometimes just aggressive, sometimes threats of violence. You know, you just know, that if you went somewhere without lots of people around one of these guys would take their chance to teach you a lesson. I regularly see beatings suggested as a "cure" for being transgender.

And when you have to use men's toilets several times a day the chance of running into the wrong sort of guy multiplies. And never mind that we consider ourselves to be women - its in the name - transgender women. women who are transgnder. And we look like women. Yeah, didn't you know, we're not transvestites, many of us take hormones to physically and mentally transform ourselves. Hell, you didn't even know I was trans until I told you!  Why the fuck should we use the men's?

So have a think. You might think of yourself as enlightened but other men don't actually give a shit about such things. And since you think of yourself as enlightened then I really think you ought to take my comments on board because your bigotry is starting to show.

What Women Really Want

Trans women are often accused of reinforcing the gender binary and a load of old stereotypes about being a woman  - I don;t remotely agree by the way - and if you pay attention you'll see plenty of bullshit about female identity actually written by cis women, doing far more harm than the trans movement could ever do even if we all decided to work in unison to cause harm to women (though, seriously, why would we?).

what-women-really-want-is-the-patriarchy

Read and be disgusted - but remember - this will probably not change anyone's minds at all. More likely just reinforce existing misogyny.

selfie

CBT today. Broke out another summer dress since its so sunny. Had to drive to Beckenham, parked in my usual spot - playing one of my country selections. Am in an unusually upbeat mood today. 

Reached my 12th session. After a quick shop, drove back to Chiz and cooked breakfast, accidentally slicing the end of my finger in the process. 

Urban drinks in Stockwell

I took this selfie today during the day. It's a really simple look for me, all black, comfortable and I know it suits me so I just feel relaxed in it. 

I decided I wanted to go to the Urban75 south London drinks and decalred as much on the dedicated thread. Was instantly made to feel so welcome that I changed my might go to I will go. And I didn't regret it. I did drag Rich along and I'm not sure he particularly enjoyed it, but I did. 

And I wasn;t just made to feel welcome online, but that extended to the actual event. I didn;t sense anyone thinking I shouldnt be there, or that I was some dude dressed up.

Selfie

posted on Urban 75

I will say this over and over. I don;t expect a response and I'm not going to argue with Athos. But the reason trans people don;t want Greer to talk about TRANS ISSUES is because she's not trans, she's a bigot, she speaks with absolutely no evidence; doesn't even pretend to be evidenced and seems to take great delight in trolling us. Also she's all over the frigging media; she effectively talks all over us with her far greater reach in the media; she inspires hatred in the communities we have to live in; her pointless trolling adds nothing to the debate trans people would like to be having; she effectively ensures that trans women (in particular) feel unable to engage with feminism. She is creating fear and isolation in our community.

Athos doesn't believe us because, apparently he's an ally. I don;t know whether to laugh or cry!


Thread on Urban75, I post as Auntistella:

 http://www.urban75.net/forums/threads/universities-should-not-be-safe-spaces.341822/page-33

spring at last

Selfie