Once you've got free of all the things that pull you down and stop you from realising who you really are, the gaslighting, the barriers in the way, people telling you not to transition: 'it's not real', 'you need psychiatric help', etc. Then you start hearing about de-transitioners. If you're unlucky you get pressures on you to de-transition, which interacts with your own self doubts (aren't all newly transitioned trans people wracked with self doubt? Maybe some aren't but I've yet to meet one).
If you aren't sufficiently supported then its all too easy to pay mind to such cries. You may have been disowned by your family, lost your job, lost all your friends and/or enduring daily abuse. So to some it will seem like the answer. They will begin to embrace what had previously been unthinkable because it will seem a lot easier than ploughing on. Sometimes its hard to see for all the trees.
In the UK you, as an AMAB (assigned male at birth) trans person, are struggling to get through your early days of being transitioned, having to endure a year or more living as a woman without female hormones, without the support of others, without a family, without a job and with no guarantee of ever getting through to the other side, then de-transitioning may well seem like a reasonable option. With de-transitioning comes the prospect of getting support from radical feminists & detrans advocates, the possibility of gaining your family & friends back and maybe even getting back into employment. And the abuse stops there, in theory. Possibly. then you can justify your decision by saying you were never trans in the first place or it wasn't for you, but you were pressured into "being trans" by the trans "political movement" and that you will be happier living gender free or as a feminine or gay man.
What you don't get from detrans advocates are solid facts. You might see "case histories" that you don't know if they're real or not. You don't know if those people were ever really trans or even if they ever really transitioned. And certainly you don't know what their real motivations are. The detrans message usually comes with a heavy dose of trans exclusionary feminism. We quite often don't even know our own motivations for things, so its so easy to lie to ourselves and even easier to put up a false front to others for the reward of vindication.
If you aren't sufficiently supported then its all too easy to pay mind to such cries. You may have been disowned by your family, lost your job, lost all your friends and/or enduring daily abuse. So to some it will seem like the answer. They will begin to embrace what had previously been unthinkable because it will seem a lot easier than ploughing on. Sometimes its hard to see for all the trees.
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| Can you see why I'd never go back? |
In the UK you, as an AMAB (assigned male at birth) trans person, are struggling to get through your early days of being transitioned, having to endure a year or more living as a woman without female hormones, without the support of others, without a family, without a job and with no guarantee of ever getting through to the other side, then de-transitioning may well seem like a reasonable option. With de-transitioning comes the prospect of getting support from radical feminists & detrans advocates, the possibility of gaining your family & friends back and maybe even getting back into employment. And the abuse stops there, in theory. Possibly. then you can justify your decision by saying you were never trans in the first place or it wasn't for you, but you were pressured into "being trans" by the trans "political movement" and that you will be happier living gender free or as a feminine or gay man.
What you don't get from detrans advocates are solid facts. You might see "case histories" that you don't know if they're real or not. You don't know if those people were ever really trans or even if they ever really transitioned. And certainly you don't know what their real motivations are. The detrans message usually comes with a heavy dose of trans exclusionary feminism. We quite often don't even know our own motivations for things, so its so easy to lie to ourselves and even easier to put up a false front to others for the reward of vindication.
Why do people de trans? A whole load of reasons, but usually not because of regret about transitioning per se. It's almost always because of lack of support, discrimination, abuse, bullying, loneliness; the same sorts of things that pull you into any kind of cult. So always ask for verifiable statistics and proper scientific research before acting on any of this. And if you're happy anyway just ignore.
Have a read of this that one of my trans followers on Twitter sent to me.
I often wonder how many de-transitioners go on to regret going back. It's not something anyone seems to talk about. I've talked to one trans woman who de-transitioned and regretted it, and went on to transition again. She told me that at the time she was consumed with self hate and felt the need to hurt other trans people. And in the process became a poster girl for the de-transitioners lobby.
De-transitioning advocates put more store in those few transitioners who regret than those who didn't transition or transitioned late and regret. These relatively few lives are imbued with more worth than the vast majority for whom transitioning was a life saver. They elevate these people so much (remembering that many or most of them have not de-transitioned by choice but through abuse or duress, or deceit) that they'd rather make it much harder for those who want to transition than to accept that a few may go on to regret it.
Have a read of this that one of my trans followers on Twitter sent to me.
I often wonder how many de-transitioners go on to regret going back. It's not something anyone seems to talk about. I've talked to one trans woman who de-transitioned and regretted it, and went on to transition again. She told me that at the time she was consumed with self hate and felt the need to hurt other trans people. And in the process became a poster girl for the de-transitioners lobby.
De-transitioning advocates put more store in those few transitioners who regret than those who didn't transition or transitioned late and regret. These relatively few lives are imbued with more worth than the vast majority for whom transitioning was a life saver. They elevate these people so much (remembering that many or most of them have not de-transitioned by choice but through abuse or duress, or deceit) that they'd rather make it much harder for those who want to transition than to accept that a few may go on to regret it.
Also please remember it takes months, usually, to even be able to obtain hormones (in the UK). It took me 3 years. And all that time I lived as a woman and was more certain as time went on that transitioning was right for me. Then after all that time you start to receive HRT, it takes even more months before changes happen. Its hard to imagine anyone not being sure after that, that they want to transition. If they aren't then they can be offered counselling. If after that they decide not to transition then its still completely reversible.
I think the trans adocates deliberate try to give the impression that all the elements of transitioning happen at once. They don't.
And in my experience there are plenty of trans people who know they are trans, have always known and do not need counselling or any delays in their process. this is easily identified through self selection - I am one. I had to jump through many hoops that in my case weren't wholly necessary, if only the world had been different when i was growing up - i would have consistently self identified and never have to endure "manhood".
There are plenty of things in life to regret that are not so easily reversible as transitioning, like getting into crippling debt, gambling, climbing mountains, getting into trouble in the sea, driving wrecklessly, buying a gun. We can;t always be wrapped in cotton wool to protect us from ourselves - sometimes we need to be treated as an adult.
But my advice would be - Do not rush. I'm certain that unless you have a fair amount of personal wealth this is not going to be a problem. - but even so I made the decision to take a step at a time and stop when i felt uncomfortable. I still haven't stopped.
For those trans people who are steered away from transitioning, things can't be so easily rectified. The longer you live in the wrong gender the harder it is to make the change for all sorts of reasons. I personally regret not doing it sooner. But I was lucky that I eventually did. Many never do because of the stigma attached our because of self doubts, threat of losing what good things they have in life, or they don't really understand what transtioning means and that it really does work for trans people.
The answer to this non-problem then is not so much to make it harder for trans people - it still needs to be made much, much easier - but to make sure that as few people get misdiagnosed as possible. This 'problem', of misdiagnosis though. is not just a problem for trans, but a problem associated with medicine in general. Therefore it is not fair to use these cases, if valid, as a stick to hit the trans community as a whole.
The answer is we talk more about trans - even in schools and workplaces. We remove the stigma. We make trans people into role models. We accept trans identities as valid and normalise them. That way more people will understand us, and trans, and be able to make good decisions. If very young children are taught about trans then those who are trans will recognise it and be able to self identify early enough to ensure they receive appropriate treatment. Those who aren't trans but gender questioning should also be able to work that out in good time too. but sweeping all of this under the carpet because it makes some people feel uncomfortable, or because it goes against particular political agendas, just means we'll keep on having wrecked lives and suicidal trans kids. Late transitioners, should then, within the next 50 years, become a thing of the past.
Let's make it so....
There are plenty of things in life to regret that are not so easily reversible as transitioning, like getting into crippling debt, gambling, climbing mountains, getting into trouble in the sea, driving wrecklessly, buying a gun. We can;t always be wrapped in cotton wool to protect us from ourselves - sometimes we need to be treated as an adult.
But my advice would be - Do not rush. I'm certain that unless you have a fair amount of personal wealth this is not going to be a problem. - but even so I made the decision to take a step at a time and stop when i felt uncomfortable. I still haven't stopped.
For those trans people who are steered away from transitioning, things can't be so easily rectified. The longer you live in the wrong gender the harder it is to make the change for all sorts of reasons. I personally regret not doing it sooner. But I was lucky that I eventually did. Many never do because of the stigma attached our because of self doubts, threat of losing what good things they have in life, or they don't really understand what transtioning means and that it really does work for trans people.
The answer to this non-problem then is not so much to make it harder for trans people - it still needs to be made much, much easier - but to make sure that as few people get misdiagnosed as possible. This 'problem', of misdiagnosis though. is not just a problem for trans, but a problem associated with medicine in general. Therefore it is not fair to use these cases, if valid, as a stick to hit the trans community as a whole.
The answer is we talk more about trans - even in schools and workplaces. We remove the stigma. We make trans people into role models. We accept trans identities as valid and normalise them. That way more people will understand us, and trans, and be able to make good decisions. If very young children are taught about trans then those who are trans will recognise it and be able to self identify early enough to ensure they receive appropriate treatment. Those who aren't trans but gender questioning should also be able to work that out in good time too. but sweeping all of this under the carpet because it makes some people feel uncomfortable, or because it goes against particular political agendas, just means we'll keep on having wrecked lives and suicidal trans kids. Late transitioners, should then, within the next 50 years, become a thing of the past.
Let's make it so....
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