cycling (draft)

I have just started cycling again after a break of nearly three years. The reason – asthma, transitioning, loss of fitness, moving house, anxiety, etc. Life gets in the way.

I started last Monday. My immediate impression was cars seemed to give me more space and I had not a single person get into a rage with me for asserting my right of way. As a guy I used to get called all sorts just for being on the road and trying to assert my rights. On occasion I would be punched or someone would try to run me off the road.

This could be a couple of things. Firstly I believe that as a woman men are more likely to exercise restraint. Secondly my own personality has shifted so I feel less aggressive in the first place and whatever vibes I give off they are no longer, come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough.” They’re more like, “I’m a woman, fuck off, leave me alone.”

My fitness is already on an upward curve. Last Monday I struggled to get home, and this Monday I didn’t. I even cycled up the hills in south east London that lead up to Chislehurst.

The distance was 26 miles – which means this week I’ll have done 52 miles in total – or maybe 78 if I feel fit on Friday.

In 2013 I cycled the Dunwich Dynamo for about the 6^th or 7^th time. I found it hard because I hadn’t trained and had only been commuting on an occasional basis that year. My big issue with cycling at that point – as I was transitioning and trying to appear in public as female looking as possible – was being misgendered. By June/ July I was already confusing people all over south London and capable of passing as a cis female when I made the effort. I was enjoying being seen as a woman some of the time, and somewhere in the middle the rest of time. But when I cycled I was pulled straight back into fat, middle aged, balding male territory and I was finding it increasingly uncomfortable. Turning up at work as a bloke and then changing into women’s clothes to work in the office wasn’t going to work for me. So I made the decision after the DD 2013 to stop cycling.

I tried to cycle again at the end of 2013 from Welling to Chislehurst and found to very hard going – and then a bit later in my day clothes – a denim mini skirt - from my house to the shops and felt very conspicuous.

Early on in my transition I needed to wear quite feminine clothes to maintain my gender identity in public, and cycling in those clothes was not really practical. Also, make up.

Lately I’ve been passing without any effort. I passed in men’s construction gear and hi vis jackets. When I get up and pull on jeans and tee shirt, and leave the house with no make up and messy hair, I still get gendered correctly, as female.

So the time felt right to start cycling again, especially as I stand to save around £100 a month by doing so.

And – the test – do I pas as cis female while cycling? Well, I rode through an inconsequential red light today and a woman on a bike shouted, “red light, lady” at me. So I think I pass.