Hospital

I went in to have my operation yesterday. I'd never had one before! It's hard to understand just how vulnerable and helpless being led in to surgery can make you feel.

I can happily admit I was scared shitless from the night before and almost bailed out a few times!

I was worried about maintaining my femininity under hospital condtions! Should have been the least of my worries but it is probably always the one thing that is always on my mind - DO NOT GET MISTAKEN FOR A BLOKE!

L came in with me and I was extremely grateful for her support and for being by my side throughout! Firstly I had to decide what to wear. I put the question to Twitter. I wanted to wear my most comfortable baggy dress but was worried I wouldn't look female enough to wear it. Twitter said, wear the dress, so I did go in the dress but I took leggings and a tee shirt with me just in case.

I needn't have worried! I went through the admissions procedure just fine, apart from wanting to run. Cos I had misunderstood the instructions about not eating my operation was held back till 4 O'Clock so I was waiting around for hours!

I was put in a room with another lady - older than me (62). And she was quite chatty. I don't think she read me or at least she accepted me as a woman without any need to mention my transness. Then the nurse took me through the admissions procedure (palaver). Finally she got to the bit where all female patients are asked to undergo a pregnancy test, and yes she did ask, and I did have to explain precisely why there was no possibility that I was pregnant. She took some convincing but I remember the moment when the penny dropped as her looking like the wind had been removed from her sails! She stopped. She pulled it together. she carried on with the next bit! Made me happy though!!

Then gradually I was prepared for the operation and wheeled into surgery...  feeling very fragile and vulnerable at this point... I went under!

Afterwards I was wheeled back to a different room. They decided I needed my own room now! I was never quite sure why that decision had been taken! L said it was cos I was much more ill after the operation than they expected. I think I bled more than they expected!

Anyway... for one evening I let my outward show of gender identity drop. The staff all still gendered me correctly and I had a good, if uncomfortable evening Tweeting and watching "Orange" on Netflix.

Today then I woke up ridiculously early to be blood tested and my temperature taken. The nurses were lovely but not especially friendly to me. By 9/10 I decided I'd had enough of looking like a road accident victim so I took my nasal sling off and my hospital gown. I washed. I dressed (long flowery top and leggings), sorted my hair out, put make up on! Shortly after the nurse came in and looked shocked! She told me I looked really nice and was for the first time incredibly chatty! I just shows how important appearances are for people. I believe if I didn't look as female as I do it would be much harder for me to connect to people in the way I want to!

Then L came in and I was so happy to see her! R was outside with Rosey and I was discharged after dinner and went to a restaurant in Blackeath, with my little bag of meds, to enjoy a glass of wine and the sunshine! I'd survived!

And the cherry on the cake was... when I was sitting outside Pizza Express I was referred to as "lady" and "madam" without expcetion!!